Today I may have a few physical complaints, but I feel very blessed that I don’t have any urge for vengeance. I am holding no grudges. I am free in this regard.
This kind of life is not only preferable, it is mandated by God who forgives us every day that we are connected to Christ. It is hard to appreciate the seriousness with which God assigns to sin. He does not compromise on sin. He either punishes the sinner or places it on Jesus. Forgiveness is a costly act for God, but it is an act that He wants to do.
Forgiveness is easier when the character of God starts to develop in us. Before that, forgiveness is not impossible, but it is unnatural to us. In some cultures forgiveness is not valued. Some people value vengeance and never forgetting. They intentionally keep alive even ancient wrongs. During the Balkan wars of the 1990’s it came to light that people groups involved in the war still used wrongs committed over 1000 years ago to justify their actions. In a world where offending each other is easy, we need to have short memories rather than long.
God takes forgiveness very seriously. Our unwillingness to forgive is one way we can fall away from the state of grace! Jesus singles this fact out for explanation as He taught the Lord’s Prayer.
14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV)
The falling away aspect is even clearer in the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-35). In this story a king forgives his servant a very large debt. In response the servant shakes down somebody who owes him a relatively small debt and refuses to forgive. The King is outraged and throws the unmerciful servant in jail. Jesus concludes:
35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Matthew 18:35 (ESV)
There are some reasonable questions to ask about the need to forgive. For instance, what if the person doesn’t seek forgiveness or what if the offense is part of a pattern of abuse? Jesus would have us confront the person if they are a Christian. Matthew 18:15-20 gives us the procedure. If they refuse all rebuke, then we are to treat them as you would a “pagan or tax collector.” Which means you can terminate the relationship. Absolutely not forgiving may not be in your best interest, however.
When we carry around hurt in an unresolved way it will harm us. I would give such an offense to God to worry about and try to move on. God is like the bill collector. He brings vengeance if it is necessary and can give forgiveness long after the relationship is over if appropriate.
Following this pattern, family relationships can be terminated if necessary. You should always want them to be re-established if a person changes and seeks forgiveness later.
What about if they are not a Christian and haven’t sought forgiveness? Confronting a person may still be in order, especially if they are family. In other cases, simply breaking the relationship and giving the situation to God to adjudicate makes the most sense.
What about whole nations, as mentioned above? Wars are unlikely to end if cultures don’t teach forgiveness. Vengeance should never be seen as a form of strength. It is a form of weakness. When the offense is grievous and recent it is hard for people to forgive.
Take the current situation in Israel. The attacks on the Jews were random, barbaric, and without purpose except perhaps to incite a broader war. They were without excuse, but not without explanation. The Jewish nation displaced Palestinians from where they were living. Israel created the environment for such a barbarous act by not attempting to reasonably meet the needs of the Palestinians.
Can forgiveness play a role in solving this dilemma? Only if it is paired with flexibility and a genuine effort to help each other. Palestinians do live in Israel. They have decided to be a part of the nation rather than its enemy. Might they have lost land in past? Many probably did.
Can you work with people who have vowed to destroy you as a nation? Probably not. But you need to slowly do things to change hearts. The attack on Gaza seems necessary to prevent future attacks, but it may provide the soil that assures future attacks.
Just like in interpersonal relationships, nations need to ask, “What will happen next?” They may achieve a short-term goal of retrieving hostages and killing significant people in Hamas, but what comes next? Have they radicalized other people? Will they leave Gaza in shambles?
If there is no forgiveness and if Israel doesn’t pivot hard after achieving their short-term goals. It will only get less secure and have more hatred. Satan antagonizes long-term hatred and vengeance. The greatest weapon against him is forgiveness.
Giving Christ 